what's on your mind?

Dear Me,

You really wanted to have him regret and remorse over his loss on you that much do you? Your scumbag of a brain still has his face embossed, etched, marked, tattooed, glued, scarred, burnt on your memory that you still can't stop thinking about him no matter how much you wanted to since you really have to let go and move on. Your scumbag brain causes that hang up, cheered by your heart, supported by insomnia. You think that he really must have loved the girl since he managed to let go of the 6 year relationship he had with you and that the only cause of his guilt was the words and the actions he did to hurt you but he never regretted ever leaving you. However, you can't help but think that the reason he did it was because he was just pissed and that he needed to deviate and clear his head and that the girl was just temporary since that one was way lower than the standards you know that he wants. Plus his friends can testify that the girl was no good for him. Plus you know in his heart of hearts that he still feels the same way that you do and he's just sucking it all up. Now, these thoughts would forever swirl in your head making you unsure if you'd feel betrayed or happy. But the fact that he is not there when you wake up and that somebody else took your place in his heart, his room, his life, hurts so much you just want to curl in your bed and remain in the dark and ask why even if there are no answers given. You would stare on the wall and think things if you were in his shoes and worse, you'd research the internet for answers if he will feel regret, realize his loss, remorse of the love he missed, and come back. The internet would give you answers which gives you a temporary sight of hope but still, at the end of the day, it is still his answer and the sound of his voice that would matter. You keep figuring out the songs he sang during the last days of your relationship if there were any signs of him leaving, or returning, or regretting and coming back, and never doing it again. He is such an enigma. And you end up getting exasperated. You would feel tired but you just won't stop until you find the answers you're looking for. Or until he comes back and hushes you down. Or until someone else would come rescuing you from this inner demon that's eating you. Love understands which causes the purest of pain that's impossible but surprisingly bearable to bear. You tend to get used to these emotions. Pray and wait for something to change.

Six years Jeremiah. Why did you let it slip away? And why haven't you realized yet what loss I am to you? So that you can come back...

Yours,
I