It is one of those days out of all days this year that I would decide to camp out of the apartment and sleep at the office. During this circumstance, I tend to leisurely watch some shows on TV or do a movie marathon from 1pm to 6pm then lazily go to the shower, taking my time while doing my concert in there, go to my chest and carefully select something that my mood would allow me to wear then brush my teeth, do my hair, spray a drizzle of cologne, then walk to where I could ride a vehicle to work. I do this like I am walking on sunshine. It was 7pm and my shift won't start till 3am the next day. I didn't know, as soon as I stepped in the jeepney, that it will be a highway to hell.
The traffic, God Bless It! I could not take it! 30 minutes and I am still a few meters away from where I stepped in. My neck was straining to get me a good view of what was going on up ahead why the traffic was so terrible that even the driver decided to turn off the engines at first. Maybe instinct told him that it would be a long, long, long while before he could move forward. I told you before that I was impatient! I was already lacrimous with it! I am sleepy. I need to get to the office and sleep! I need to stretch my cramped up legs. I need to breathe, if not fresh air, at least airconditioned and well ventilated air! I need to see what's going on why the traffice is so dire! I need to have the darn vehicle to move!!!! But it did not.
Some passengers already started ranting and it added to the highway stress. I would perfectly understand if someone had an accident or that a car bumped into a bus or a cat from the royal family purred across the street. But I didn't even see a tinge of blood or a passing flash from a camera. After a century and a decade, the car already reached the destination where I could ride a bus to take me straight to the office. Turns out the reason why the traffic is terrible is because it's christmas and the world is panic buying--or buying panic.
12.08.2010
12.07.2010
15 peso- worth of panic
Dear Mr. Taxi Driver,
I have been paying you with a fair fare plus an extra tip-- though I may not know the reason why I am giving the tip to you *probably hypnosis*-- and I always nod whenever you suggest a different route to take to avoid the traffic-- though I know that it is only one of your thousand ways to rip me off. I have been a good passenger and I even sit at the front seat beside you because I believe that if I sit at the back seat, it would make you look like a serf and I, the queen. I don't fasten my seatbelt though-- that, I humbly tell.
I am watching the news today and I was sad to find out about a taxi driver who went straight to the railways without even looking for a sign and ignoring the blasting horns from an incoming train. The passengers died. They were orphans who had just gotten their papers to go to the States for their adoption. Unfortunately, their foster parents could no longer see them. Yesterday, I almost had an accident with a sleepy taxi driver *memo to myself: make sure the driver is wide awake enough to tell me the exact value of pi*. It was scary. He was driving like that from Need For Speed when the car infront of us stopped suddenly so he had to swerve left missing an incoming truck from the back. Luckily, the truck had good breaks. We almost had it.
I never uttered a prayer that minute. My mind was blank during that time. Still, i thanked God because He still managed to think about me and about the life I still have to lead. You should take Him as well, sir.
You always put our lives and our wallets at risk. I wish every turbo you revved in while driving would make the flagdown rate go down to 50%.
Still in panic,
Lee
I have been paying you with a fair fare plus an extra tip-- though I may not know the reason why I am giving the tip to you *probably hypnosis*-- and I always nod whenever you suggest a different route to take to avoid the traffic-- though I know that it is only one of your thousand ways to rip me off. I have been a good passenger and I even sit at the front seat beside you because I believe that if I sit at the back seat, it would make you look like a serf and I, the queen. I don't fasten my seatbelt though-- that, I humbly tell.
I am watching the news today and I was sad to find out about a taxi driver who went straight to the railways without even looking for a sign and ignoring the blasting horns from an incoming train. The passengers died. They were orphans who had just gotten their papers to go to the States for their adoption. Unfortunately, their foster parents could no longer see them. Yesterday, I almost had an accident with a sleepy taxi driver *memo to myself: make sure the driver is wide awake enough to tell me the exact value of pi*. It was scary. He was driving like that from Need For Speed when the car infront of us stopped suddenly so he had to swerve left missing an incoming truck from the back. Luckily, the truck had good breaks. We almost had it.
I never uttered a prayer that minute. My mind was blank during that time. Still, i thanked God because He still managed to think about me and about the life I still have to lead. You should take Him as well, sir.
You always put our lives and our wallets at risk. I wish every turbo you revved in while driving would make the flagdown rate go down to 50%.
Still in panic,
Lee
12.03.2010
I hate waiting...grrr!
If patience is a virtue, then I am not virtuous. You are free to call me un-virtuous and I would not give a fart because no matter how many sermons I've got regarding that part of my live show, I will never ever ever ever learn and I would sincerely accept that as a fact.
I hate wating. I always do things in a rush. I won't have my mind at ease if I can't do things at that moment. I will get sleepless nights and troubled dreams. I will stress myself on thinking about what if's and what's gonna happen if I won't do it. I will be forever haunted by the missed impulse and kept urges. That's why I do not wait. I do things when I feel like it. I do not wait for the right moment. There is no such thing as right moments for me. It's cheesy. Cliche. It's being applied to dreamers only. The only thing that exists is regret if I didn't manage to get what I want when i wanted it and decided to keep the urge until it passes. That's also one of the reasons why my friends won't bring me to the mall, I can't keep myself from being impulsive. If I see a cute dress or a pair of sexy stilettos, I would pick it out of the display and bring it straight to the cashier and I wouldn't mind welcoming poverty after that. I already have so many knick-knacks in my chest that I bought out of impulse and can't seem to fit a place for me to use it. It's really a psychological disorder. I'm crazy so it's normal for me.
My patience was tested last night. My fiance promised me that he'll visit me early so that we could go to the bank and have the money deposited and we can quickly book a flight for me to go home during the holidays. My palm's sweating and my fingers were super crossed. In fact, they're not crossed-- they're already twisted. To do my time away, I watched movies to distract my attention. I popped Dreamgirls since I haven't watched that film and I wanted to listen to Beyonce's Listen. Two hours had passed and there still no Jeremiah on the front porch. Not even a shadow of his ass. I was starting to cound ten to one just to ease the increasing turmoil. I was sitting in the sofa bed. Unabling to move. Yet my impulse is going haywire. I have to book the ticket and go home. He can't possibly do that to me! He should understand. I've already cried the other day because I did not manage to book a ticket and he promised he'd come early next. Another hour passed and I'm already in a depressed mood. Banks were already closed. He's not answering my calls. And I'm helpless and hopeless. I called my mom but the line cut short. I so hated everything that day. It was like I was having a withdrawal from a drug that I was using. I cried and whined. I counted again from ten to one with one being the part where I would inhale deeply. I would relax then cry again. I decided that it's of no use. Inside my head, I was already thinking of ways to make my fiance bleed. I was so mad! I want to throw things and reek havoc in the apartment because I want to book a flight and I can't do it! The familiar feeling of helplessness is flooding in again and so I would cry again. Another three hours passed, the madness and havoc already went down. I was calm and I was praying. And just as when I decided to close my eyes and sleep since he won't be coming, images of him dead inside the coffin would keep zooming in. My hatred and grief subsided but here comes Ms. Melancholia echoing dire deaths of my fiance in my head. It was because I called his younger brother and the latter tole me that he left the house early. He should be in my apartment even before the banks closed! I was worried and I prayed agian that I won't be plotting murder against my finace ever again so long as he would return home safe and unscathed. I was crying and whimpering. I was worried. Anger can be easily managed. But melancholy is difficult. Especially if you can hear your friends laughing outside your room.
I didn't know what happened. Maybe God listened to me and took pity. I managed to sleep and woke up with him beside me. My emotional turmoil was gone. That was the longest night I ever had. I still itch for the tickets. Let me check the flights again.
I hate wating. I always do things in a rush. I won't have my mind at ease if I can't do things at that moment. I will get sleepless nights and troubled dreams. I will stress myself on thinking about what if's and what's gonna happen if I won't do it. I will be forever haunted by the missed impulse and kept urges. That's why I do not wait. I do things when I feel like it. I do not wait for the right moment. There is no such thing as right moments for me. It's cheesy. Cliche. It's being applied to dreamers only. The only thing that exists is regret if I didn't manage to get what I want when i wanted it and decided to keep the urge until it passes. That's also one of the reasons why my friends won't bring me to the mall, I can't keep myself from being impulsive. If I see a cute dress or a pair of sexy stilettos, I would pick it out of the display and bring it straight to the cashier and I wouldn't mind welcoming poverty after that. I already have so many knick-knacks in my chest that I bought out of impulse and can't seem to fit a place for me to use it. It's really a psychological disorder. I'm crazy so it's normal for me.
My patience was tested last night. My fiance promised me that he'll visit me early so that we could go to the bank and have the money deposited and we can quickly book a flight for me to go home during the holidays. My palm's sweating and my fingers were super crossed. In fact, they're not crossed-- they're already twisted. To do my time away, I watched movies to distract my attention. I popped Dreamgirls since I haven't watched that film and I wanted to listen to Beyonce's Listen. Two hours had passed and there still no Jeremiah on the front porch. Not even a shadow of his ass. I was starting to cound ten to one just to ease the increasing turmoil. I was sitting in the sofa bed. Unabling to move. Yet my impulse is going haywire. I have to book the ticket and go home. He can't possibly do that to me! He should understand. I've already cried the other day because I did not manage to book a ticket and he promised he'd come early next. Another hour passed and I'm already in a depressed mood. Banks were already closed. He's not answering my calls. And I'm helpless and hopeless. I called my mom but the line cut short. I so hated everything that day. It was like I was having a withdrawal from a drug that I was using. I cried and whined. I counted again from ten to one with one being the part where I would inhale deeply. I would relax then cry again. I decided that it's of no use. Inside my head, I was already thinking of ways to make my fiance bleed. I was so mad! I want to throw things and reek havoc in the apartment because I want to book a flight and I can't do it! The familiar feeling of helplessness is flooding in again and so I would cry again. Another three hours passed, the madness and havoc already went down. I was calm and I was praying. And just as when I decided to close my eyes and sleep since he won't be coming, images of him dead inside the coffin would keep zooming in. My hatred and grief subsided but here comes Ms. Melancholia echoing dire deaths of my fiance in my head. It was because I called his younger brother and the latter tole me that he left the house early. He should be in my apartment even before the banks closed! I was worried and I prayed agian that I won't be plotting murder against my finace ever again so long as he would return home safe and unscathed. I was crying and whimpering. I was worried. Anger can be easily managed. But melancholy is difficult. Especially if you can hear your friends laughing outside your room.
I didn't know what happened. Maybe God listened to me and took pity. I managed to sleep and woke up with him beside me. My emotional turmoil was gone. That was the longest night I ever had. I still itch for the tickets. Let me check the flights again.
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